To
study the buddha way is to study the
self. To study the self is to forget
the self. To forget the self is to be
actualized by myriad things. When actualized
by myriad things, your body and mind
as well as the bodies and minds of others
drop away. No trace of realization remains,
and this no-trace continues endlessly.
To
study the self is to forget the self.
Well,
that’s a kick. What do you
think Dogen is telling us here? If
to study the Dharma is to study the
self, why would we then want to forget
what we're studying?
Why
do you think he used the word forget?
When you try to study yourself very
closely, it sort of disappears. You can’t find
anything that’s yourself.
Does your self stop at your skin? Does
it go out three feet in front of you? Where does
it begin and end? Did it begin when you were born?
Does it end when you die? Was your self ten years
ago the same self you see now?
And what of all the ideas and emotions
and thoughts you identify as “you?” By
studying the self we come to see these as empty and
continually changing.
If we don’t study the self, we
will continue to hold on to our fixed definitions
and notions of our self and other selves. Forgetting
the self means ceasing to grasp in this way.
Take a few moments and
study yourself—your self.
Dogen is telling us: “Get
over it!” What is it you think
you need to get over doing? Being?
When you read To study
the Buddha way is to study the self
did you think Dogen was telling you
to figure out how you could be happy?
If so, how is this affected by Dogen’s
next telling you to forget yourself?
Suzuki Roshi said, “When
you are very honest with yourself and
brave enough, you can express yourself
fully. …Just be yourself.” Can
you be yourself and forget yourself?
Studying oneself very closely gets
very tiresome.
Can you relate to this?
In fact it’s very painful to
study the self. “Oh no, I’m doing that
again.” “Arghhh, I didn’t do what
I should have…”
If we look at this “self study” we
can see there’s no solid basis to our “research.” It’s
just a large habit structure that is very difficult
to overcome.
You have to want to let it go.
Do you want to let it
go? What’s it doing for you?
As
soon as you let go of yourself in each moment,
everything rushes to help you, because you’re
not separate from everything else. Creating a separate
self against an external world—while it looks
like a help—actually isn’t.
To
study the buddha way is to study the self.
…to
study what’s in front of you, to study what’s
happening.
To
study the self is to forget the self.
Because this thing we
call the self is—in fact—kind-of a make-believe,
created, temporary, unsatisfactory thing.
Why
study this self, as Dogen suggests,
if it’s really make-believe,
created…?
When you study the self you begin
to forget it; you begin to become not so preoccupied
with me.
Eka
(Taiso Eka the second ancestor in China)
said “Because I know myself very well,
it is difficult to say who I am.” (Eka
had told Bodhidharma that there was no break,
no gap in his practice, never any cessation
of practice.) Then Bodhidharma said “Then
who are you? Who does constant practice?”
To
study yourself is to forget your self on
each moment. Then everything will come and
help you. Suzuki Roshi
Zazen and studying the self
Dogen tells us that
by studying the self you can discover both the
details of your self and how utterly ungraspable
the self is. When you study the self thoroughly,
your ideas about yourself begin to loosen up, and
one opens to a view of the interconnectedness of
all things This opening is not static, everything
is changing. But our relatedness to the present moment
is a touchstone.
So: How might zazen—or
Zen practice—encourage forgetting
the self?
With
the practice of zazen, mustering body and
mind, we understand a thing intimately by
seeing or hearing, and the self is forgotten. Robert
Aitken
